I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
