Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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