the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
