Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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