Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
