my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
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