I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
someone owes me an orgasm
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
