so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
soo... how was my night?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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