my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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