Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
