Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
