man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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