It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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