that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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