I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Still dying that you shit outside
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize