When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Randomize
