in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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