I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
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