I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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