So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
