I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
