My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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