Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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