I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
