i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
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