Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(512): View more from Texas

And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'

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(903): View more from Texas

I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE

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Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Read it at the TFLN blog
(408): View more from California

By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.

Fav 6 1146 1996
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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.

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(602): View more from Arizona

Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick

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(919): View more from North Carolina

No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.

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(937): View more from Ohio

Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.

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