I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.