Texts From Last Night

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  (619): View more from California

  3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.

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  (619): 3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact. http://tfl.nu/7spk
  Replies (20) Good night (2427) Bad night (784)
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  (434): View more from Virginia

  I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.

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  (434): I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach. http://tfl.nu/7n8a
  Replies (14) Good night (4101) Bad night (640)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees

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  (360): He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees http://tfl.nu/gf2k
  Replies (19) Good night (4928) Bad night (2702)
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  (516): View more from New York

  Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.

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  (516): Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining. http://tfl.nu/o92e
  Replies (6) Good night (4169) Bad night (898)
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  (+81): View more from

  Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me

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  (+81): Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me http://tfl.nu/yr11
  Replies (28) Good night (4490) Bad night (896)
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  (801): View more from Utah

  I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience

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  (801): I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience http://tfl.nu/nrax
  Replies (8) Good night (2592) Bad night (915)
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.

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  (920): You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day. http://tfl.nu/y8lp
  Replies (10) Good night (2812) Bad night (848)
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  (601): View more from Mississippi

  I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.

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  (601): I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak. http://tfl.nu/j26q
  Replies (19) Good night (665) Bad night (3301)
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  (989): View more from Michigan

  i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.

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  (989): i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway. http://tfl.nu/zfm5
  Replies (1) Good night (2545) Bad night (634)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?

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  (248): Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date? http://tfl.nu/49q5
  Replies (14) Good night (2507) Bad night (823)
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.

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  (360): It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls. http://tfl.nu/eao3
  Replies (1) Good night (486) Bad night (725)
• Favorite

  (361): View more from Texas

  I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'

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  (361): I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh' http://tfl.nu/gd1h
  Replies (4) Good night (606) Bad night (1312)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.

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  (608): She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws. http://tfl.nu/2p61
  Replies (0) Good night (709) Bad night (337)
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.

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  (616): in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral. http://tfl.nu/e47f
  Replies (4) Good night (756) Bad night (245)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick

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  (541): well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick http://tfl.nu/a9oc
  Replies (3) Good night (576) Bad night (257)

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