She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
