I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Randomize
