I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
