6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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