drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
