Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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