im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i wish my penis had a tongue
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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