We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
