Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Randomize
