I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
He? As in you personified your dick?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
