I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
