You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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