i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
