did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
