For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
My feet surprised me
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
