I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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