Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
