you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
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