we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Randomize
