It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
