Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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