If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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