I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
