it wasn't lemon gatorade
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
