also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
