Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Pants are for mortals
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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