you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Randomize
