Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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