im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
