so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
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I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
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Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha