when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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