well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high