Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.