Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
