You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
That's intense
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Randomize
