he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
