oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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