Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
