we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
