if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
