well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
