My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
