That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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