Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
